Limericks

Limericks

There once was a fellow O'Doole
Who found little red spots on his tool
His Doctor a cynic
said Get out of me clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificant ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was a young lady named Sue
Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw
But one leads to the other
And now she's a mother
Let this be a lesson to you!

There once was a girl named Lil
Who ate an atomic pilllaughing monkey
They found her Vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent
But as she grew older
The landlord grew colder
And now they live in a tent.

There was a young man named McBride
Who could fart whenever he tried
In a contest he blew
Two thousand and two
And then shit and was disqualified

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was an old man of Peru
Who dreamt he was eating a shoe.
He awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
And found it was perfectly true.

There was a young Scotsman named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure.
Then a cod, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

There once was a farmer from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
It soon came to pass
He was covered with grass
But has all the tomatoes he needs.

There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

There was a young lady whose chest
Was acknowledged as one of the best.
She had no inhibitions
About competitions
Since she stood out from all of the rest.

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,
Really liked playing with fire.
One night in the dark
He swam with a shark,
And his voice is now two octaves higher.

There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat.

There Once was a Man called Reg
Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge
Along came his wife
With a big Carving Knife
And cut off his meat and two veg

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,
My wife's just had twins,, ain't that nice.
But the Bishop said, "Father,
in future I'd rather,
you abstained, or were not naughty twice."

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,
When asked at what hour he'd dine,
Replied, "At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight and a quarter past nine.

There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.